Moving Out the Tent Pegs a.k.a Me Getting Braver

Back in April last year an online friend, Sarah, posted on her Facebook page that she needed some help for a project she was working on in London.  I live just half hour from London so thought, why not?  and responded to her post.  When she emailed me the details I near fell off my chair.  There was no way I could do that.  Sarah was asked to put together a couple of “background crafters” for Kirstie Allsop’s new Channel 4 show “Kirstie’s Vintage Home“.  That would mean cameras, filming.  Possibly being on television albeit as a blurry blink or you’ll miss it nano second.  Nevertheless, this was way out of my comfort zone.  Even thought I’ve absolutely always loved Kirstie Allsopp and her crafting shows.  How cool to be part of this new series?  I know it was a very small, minuscule part but it was real and I’d meet her.  Nope.  That wasn’t enough to induce.  Way out of my comfort zone.

Mainly due to my appalling ongoing battle with my weight and low self esteem.  I’ve been fighting eating disorders since I was 14yrs old.  And although at nearly 50yrs old , I can make logical sense of it all, I still have days when I want to curl up and die.  Yes that sounds dramatic but that’s how I feel.  Those days are few and far between and I very rarely talk about it let alone blog it here!  Aha!  Another brave thing I’ve done.

Ok, I digress.  The point is I’m overweight.  Still.  Yes, I’m battling it and am working with my GP and a fab team at my gym to get fit and healthy albeit slowly.  I cannot think of anything worse than being on film.  Of being filmed.  Of having no control on what part of you is being filmed.  What about my “good side”?  Do I even have a good side?  Seriously, it was scary.

And yet something inside me said, “Go.  Do It”.  I spoke to Steve and he was just his usual incredible self.  Boy, oh boy that man loves me.  So encouraging even when I’m at my worst, horrible, doubting, “I don’t deserve you” self.  So with fear carousing through my body and my heart pounding, I wrote to Sarah and told her yes, I’m interested.  The day of filming arrived and I went.  Inspite of myself and my fears I got on that train and went and met Sarah and Emma.  Oh and of course, I met Kirstie.  It was an incredible day.  For me anyway.  I’m sure it was a normal working day for most of the people I met.  Sarah and Emma were sweethearts and great fun.  I felt like I’d known them for a long time and was immediately at ease with them.  There was great insight into how these things are filmed.  Seeing the machinations of such a series in the making.  That was an experience in itself.  I went home so happy.  Very tired but oh so happy.  I’d pushed out the tent pegs.  I met a challenge and did it.  Fear didn’t hold me back.  I used the fear to drive me forward.  How can I bang on about seeing my hopes, goals and BIG dreams come to fruition if I don’t actually step out and do what I need to do to see it happen?

As it turned out taking part in the filming of Kirstie’s Vintage Home was just a warm up.  It was preparation for something more.  Bigger.  Well, bigger for me as it turns out.  I got an email from Marie Forleo’s team about a project they were working on for 2013.  They wanted to interview graduates of Marie’s Rich, Happy and Hot Business School course.  That’s me.  I took Marie’s course back in 2011.  Another stepping out moment for me was signing up to that course.  That’s a whole other story.  Anyway, back to the email.  It asked if there were any graduates that could be in London or New York on certain dates.  I filled in the form and didn’t think anything of it.  I’d completely forgotten about it when I got an email several weeks later saying Marie and the team loved my story and would love to meet me and film me for her new 2013 project.  Are you kidding me?

Again, I nearly fell off my chair.  So after emails back and forth, dates and times were set for the filming date.  Not only were they going to film me but they were going to do it in my home!!  Oh I really didn’t think that one through.  It meant I had to do a serious top to bottom clean.  You know those once in a lifetime cleans where you even pull the sofa out.   My house was clean and Steve and I were ready.  I felt sick to my stomach.  So sick and nervous.  What was I thinking?  Why was I putting myself through this again?  Oh but when the film team, Wes, Tera and Louise, walked through my door my fear and nerves melted away.  I can’t say enough how wonderful they were.  How wonderful they are.  I connected with them in such an amazing way and we became fast friends.  Incredible.

I told my story.  I was filmed.  My living room was unrecognisable with the cameras, lights etc.  But I did it.  Thanks to the team who made me feel so relaxed I was able to speak reasonably eloquently and articulately.  Although maybe hold that thought!  I’ve not seen the finished film yet.  Seriously though they reassured me that it went really well and I did so good.  Are you sure?  Me?  Being filmed?  Alas, it’s true.  And it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.  I’m convinced my experience earlier on in the year made it so much easier.  I’d already broken through my fear.  I’d met the challenge head on.  The hard part was done.

[Not the most flattering photo of me.  Ha!  Just before filming got underway.]

Embrace your fears and meet challenges head on.  You honestly don’t know what’s around the corner.  Those challenges may well be the ground preparation for something bigger.  Even though what you’re doing at that point seems huge, you don’t know what’s next.  I’ve always been someone that has been happy to be in my comfort zone.  Why upset the status quo?  Not any more.  I want to see my BIG dreams come true.  I want to meet my goals and then make new and bigger goals.  I just can’t do that sitting in the same easy, comfortable chair.

Be encouraged and think about moving out your tent pegs!